Shhh…c’mere. Can I tell y’all a secret. Really I need to know if you are going to keep it between you and me. All of you and me.

I’ve lost my mind.

I kind of feel like a chicken running around with its head mostly cut off.

So yes I have lost my mind and I blame my squatting gym.

I’ve pretty much reduced  The Dish to wearing ear plugs because there is nothing else I can talk about other than the major amount of squatting I’ve been doing while pulling up my yoga pants around my arm pits, over my boobs, because really?

How HOT is that?
*licks finger*
*sticks it on ass*
*makes sizzle noise*

(I do realize I used that in my post for Studio 30 last week but c’mon I am all that and a bag of chips! That, or I’m just a one trick pony.)

I now possess a perfect POWER SNATCH!!!??? 

Haa haa haaa haaa haaa haa.

Now that I know I have a POWER SNATCH I am not really sure what to do with it…because, you know having one…and knowing what to DO with one are two completely different things. 

So do I just walk around all day displaying my POWER SNATCH to anyone who wants to see.
Or do I only bust it out on certain occasions.
Like after a dinner party when the usual splits have gotten old.
Or do I charge for POWER SNATCH demo’s.

Yo’ Twenty large for  POWER SNATCH show.

Yes I am at the mercy of my POWER SNATCH.

Now that I have one and have fine tuned it I have no fucking idea what to do with it.

P.S. It occured to me that you might want to see what a POWER SNATCH is so here you go.

I love getting emails. Except if they are from that one person.
You know who I’m talking about.
The one person who’s emails are always  accompanied by a creepy little animated girl with big eyes telling you how you should pass on the creepy little animated big eyed girl to all the people you care about. To show them how much you care about them and then you will know how many people love you by the sheer volume of people who send you back that creepy little animated big eyed girl.
Because nothing says I care more than a creepy little animated big eyed girl.

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are

Hey!!!!!!! I was thinking about you and thought I’d drop you an email. Hope all is well. Oh and by the way…
THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU NOW SEND THIS FUCKER ON TO EVERY HUMAN WHO YOU THINK IS SUPER FUCKING FANTASTIC…

THIS IS FOR REAL. PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE SPECIAL HUMANS IN YOUR LIFE TO SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE, INCLUDING ME MOTHERFUCKER. AND DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN OR YOUR LEFT EYEBALL WILL POP OUT IN FOUR DAYS. IT WORKS. TRUST ME.

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean self centered bitches who ignore the love I am sending you through email)

THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

DO.

NOT.

DELETE.

IF YOU DO ALL THE UNICORNS IN THE WORLD WILL START POOPING ACTUAL SHIT AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS IT IS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE MY LAST  EMAIL OF LOVE AND LIGHT BUT BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU I WILL FORGIVE YOU AND WILL SEND YOU MY HEART. 

 NOW PASS THIS ON TO EVERY HUMAN YOU CARE ABOUT OR YOU WILL MAKE THIS CREEPY LITTLE ANIMATED NO EYED GIRL RIP HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART OUT. DON’T FOR GET TO SEND IT BACK TO ME OR I WILL SEND YOU HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART THROUGH THE U.S. MAIL.

XOXO
VAPID

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean cold heartless catty people who ignore my EXTREMELY heart felt emails that I take minutes out of my day to compose and send to you.)

DON’T WORRY. LIFE IS WONDERFUL. RAINBOWS STILL EXIST. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES TO SEE THE BEAUTY AROUND YOU.

So if you send me a chain email let this serve as fair warning that you may just get one back from me with a lot less love and a whole hell of a lot more kitten blood.