I love getting emails. Except if they are from that one person.
You know who I’m talking about.
The one person who’s emails are always  accompanied by a creepy little animated girl with big eyes telling you how you should pass on the creepy little animated big eyed girl to all the people you care about. To show them how much you care about them and then you will know how many people love you by the sheer volume of people who send you back that creepy little animated big eyed girl.
Because nothing says I care more than a creepy little animated big eyed girl.

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are

Hey!!!!!!! I was thinking about you and thought I’d drop you an email. Hope all is well. Oh and by the way…
THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU NOW SEND THIS FUCKER ON TO EVERY HUMAN WHO YOU THINK IS SUPER FUCKING FANTASTIC…

THIS IS FOR REAL. PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE SPECIAL HUMANS IN YOUR LIFE TO SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE, INCLUDING ME MOTHERFUCKER. AND DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN OR YOUR LEFT EYEBALL WILL POP OUT IN FOUR DAYS. IT WORKS. TRUST ME.

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean self centered bitches who ignore the love I am sending you through email)

THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

DO.

NOT.

DELETE.

IF YOU DO ALL THE UNICORNS IN THE WORLD WILL START POOPING ACTUAL SHIT AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS IT IS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE MY LAST  EMAIL OF LOVE AND LIGHT BUT BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU I WILL FORGIVE YOU AND WILL SEND YOU MY HEART. 

 NOW PASS THIS ON TO EVERY HUMAN YOU CARE ABOUT OR YOU WILL MAKE THIS CREEPY LITTLE ANIMATED NO EYED GIRL RIP HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART OUT. DON’T FOR GET TO SEND IT BACK TO ME OR I WILL SEND YOU HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART THROUGH THE U.S. MAIL.

XOXO
VAPID

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean cold heartless catty people who ignore my EXTREMELY heart felt emails that I take minutes out of my day to compose and send to you.)

DON’T WORRY. LIFE IS WONDERFUL. RAINBOWS STILL EXIST. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES TO SEE THE BEAUTY AROUND YOU.

So if you send me a chain email let this serve as fair warning that you may just get one back from me with a lot less love and a whole hell of a lot more kitten blood.

Sigh. 
I am starting out this post with an apology.
If this is your first time here I would recommend running as fast as you can for the hills.
Or starting with the normal crap I write.
Like this for instance is something that y’all seem to dig.
Or this one about a bull penis and my mom.
With that said.
This post contains the following but not limited to:
Really offensive words, especially to women.
Death.
Anger.
Implied violence.
It does not contain the following:
Funny pictures
Funny Videos
Vapid ramblings.

This was an odd week in my neck of the woods. We had not one, not two but three suicides. We also had not one,  not two, but three  major car accicdents on Wednesday resulting in no less than two fatalities. 
These are the kind of things that  make me get all serious like. 
The kind of things that make me eat my remaining xanax with a fervor.
The kind of things that make me get weak in knees.
Weak in the heart.
Weak all over.

These things wake me in the middle of the  night with a one truly honest selfish thought.
“I am so lucky it was  no one I love.”

Dare I say these are the kind of things that haunt me.
At least for a little while.
Until time passes.
And the weakness gets stronger.
Or…
A new desperate thought invades my brain.
It is a struggle you know to be this vapid.
To be this optimistic.
To make light of this life.

Then there are moments that bring me out.
That bring me up.
That make me want to stop. Turn around and punch the ever loving shit out of certain people.
 
There was the young girl needing desperately to make a left turn to ”no- fucking-where” the other morning motioning me to
 ”move along because you are holding up my day asshole“

She had no idea the rage she ignited in me. The way she made my eye twitch. The way I wanted to stop my car in the middle of the road.
Blocking her pointless left turn.
The way  I wanted to get out of my car.
Walk up to her car. 
Pound on her window with my fist.
Grab her by the throat and gently whisper in her ear.
“Why?”
“Do you know how many people are feeling devastated today?”
“Do you care?”
“Do you know how angry you have made me?”
“Go make your pointless left turn and go fuck your self?”

Instead I glared at her real hard.
Went to work and planned how her day would end up in despair and disappointment when her boyfriend didn’t show up for coffee and poetry while they smoked a clove cigarette in the sliver of sunshine she stole from me.

Cunt.

Or it could be a very simple absurd utterance from an equally absurdly simple human.

 ”I don’t know about this coat. Is it too much? I don’t want to be a loud person.”

With that I silently threw my head back and laughed in disdain.
As if you could even begin to be loud.
As if that coat could make you bold.
Could make you loud.
Could make people, anyone, notice you.
As if you had a choice.
But Darling please buy the fucking coat and be loud.
Find your voice and be as loud as you can be.
If a coat empowers you.
Wear it to dinner with your husband and nothing else.

PLEASE, GET LOUD!

Does putting on a mask make you a super hero?

Is today the day I start wearing my cape and believing I can fly?

One of the fatalities was presumably caused by a 62 year old woman who was not wearing a seat belt and may have been texting someone. She veered into the south bound lane and crashed head on into a 50 year old woman. She killed herself. The other woman is in the hospital with sever injuries. Another accident involved a 90 year old man and his 88 year old wife. He was backing out of a nursing home (?) and was t-boned, I think. He later died of injuries he sustained in the accident. His wife has been upgraded. 

 I don’t know anything about the suicides and frankly I don’t want to. Having been closely, but indirectly affected by some one killing themselves I have nothing to say because I can’t fathom the depth and breadth the path of destruction left in the wake of a suicide. 
I am very thankful that I can’t.

I have only made donations to this organization but if you want to you can participate by walking in their events as well.