I danced with grace, with a Muskrat,  with a bug and a mac.

I passed out cards for a bird, a brat and a blonde.

I was embraced by the alternative , I panicked when I thought I lost my new found Brilliance.

I stalked a Czar.

I waited until midnight to put on my tubesocks but instead I just tied one on…Thanks a lot Chuck!

I cavorted with a toy, accepted a gift, in return I procured street meat like a stealth ninja in about 2 minutes.

(oh yeah, that street meat!)

I was showered with unicorns, ninja duckies and owls all without ever actually showering.

I met up with a chick, a weird girl and a girl who is on the spot.

I missed being cool, and I missed being blue, two things I really wanted to say HI to.

We all agreed we needed someone to keep us awake and that there just wasn’t enough poo around.

I missed riding a mechanical bull, that will have to wait for you know who, don’t you think so?

I even met Avitable and wasn’t AvitaBALLED…Thank fucking god.

Armed with a constant flow of very expensive booze I worked my way through the entire weekend with my Glitter Gang Bangers sprinkling my custom jelly bracelets, three separate blog cards and wit onto anyone who would listen long enough to my babble. Madly stalking anyone I recognized. Yes, I would randomly go up to people and say

‘you are so and so, right? Love me…please.’

Much to my relief no one sprayed mace in my eyes or yelled for security.

I ate two cheeseburgers one right after another at midnight followed by pizza in times square at about 3:00 am

 I did this all Thursday to Sunday with only half a xanax flowing through my veins.

Should you inquire about the sessions at Blogher my response would be:

Sessions?  There were sessions?

Brilliant Posts lead to Brilliant ideas  and since I am a brillionare I am organizing my own Blogging event in my very own back yard.  I have already started preparing for this horrendous event by cleaning up all the dog poop back there so you won’t have to worry about that!

I have my swag crap bags designed and I think you are all going to absolutely trample each other clamoring to get one.

I know, I know. I may have seriously outdone my self here. A can of silver glitter spray, because….do I even have to qualify it.  A yoga video featuring a guy named Rodney in a speedo. Who doesn’t love watching a guy in a speedo do back bends..aahhhhh. Yeeeaaah!  Oh of course you need three sample sizes of Aloe Cadabra Lube…for…the…yoga…

I am thinking a carnival theme is just what this event needs. I just need to convince The Dish that A Tasmanian Twister really is safe when you order it from a rental company that uses exactly two people to set it up. I mean really how could anything named Tasmanian be a bad idea?

I have secured Amanda of Brilliant Sulk fame as one of the guest speakers and I have also tapped Elly Lou at Buggin Word as another guest speaker who will also be donating prizes for all the contests we are going to have. They have been informed that this event does have a dress code so if you are planning on attending I suggest you order your outfit immediately as these ensembles are literally flying out the fucking door.  And guys…the dress code applies to you too, so a little manscaping might be in order.

Now the fun part. The contests where you can win an array of beautiful and useless crap…hence the event name, Crapapalooza!

 First and foremost the mayonnaise wrestling pit …who ever is the last blogger standing will win these adorable his and her egg clocks. And yes I do realize that it may get ugly when you are wrestling it out over TWO such coveted prizes but it is a risk I think you will be happy to take.  Nothing risked…nothing gained.

 Since it is so close to Easter I thought an evil crack bunny ‘Easter egg’ like hunt might be fun.

He hasn’t actually told me what it is you will be hunting for…but I have a feeling it will be the souls of all the dead kittens he’s been collecting over the years.

 You’ll be able to tell who I am because I will be rolling around the event wearing a fur coat, roller skates and my tiara…

which I found the other morning right before my interview and just after I terminated all the servants…too bad for them.

As for the entertainment portion I think a sex show is in order…don’t you? Wicked Shawn will be organizing it and I have a feeling its going to leave you all feeling a little warm and fuzzy.

Contest submissions are still open, think Blogher ROYO . I welcome any feed back (no back talk though) suggestions or prize donations. 

I have a feeling this event is going to knock your socks off…if you were allowed to wear them.

P.S. I was trying desperately to create the little ™ sign for Crapapalooza and Brillionare ( ™ ) but I clearly don’t possess those kind of keyboard skillz.  Steal this idea from me and I will sick the Evil Crack Bunny on your ass.

P.P.S.  Fuck the trademark sign actually showed up???…wtf!!!