Because I can’t seem to find my way out from underneath this gigantic pile of snot laden tissues and because even if I did I probably wouldn’t make much sense due to the copious amounts of NyQuil I’ve ingested I thought I would give you all an update on Her. Yeah, that Her, the “‘I’m all that and a bag of chips” Her.

I’ve been getting little glimpses into Her new life and I’m not sure I’m altogether okay with these shenanigans.

I think she’s trying to show me up, thinking that she can do South Beach Bling better than me. Pfft.

The fake tattoo I can deal with. The 80′s style ripped shirt is almost acceptable, but a hickey….really?
This is like a bad Joan Jett/Flashdance/Madonna mash up. Maybe she’s trying for a gig over at The Culture Brats.

It’s as if she just wants to torture me, she knows how I feel about nuns, after all that incident happened right out side her former home. Quite frankly I am not sure how much of a welcome she is going to get once she decides to come back.

And if any of you put this evil hex on me could you please lift it? I’m not doing so well with this being sick thing. See it’s the holidays and I need to get my shit together and I’m having a hard time doing that with a fever and tissues stuck up my nostrils feeling sorry for myself.

I danced with grace, with a Muskrat,  with a bug and a mac.

I passed out cards for a bird, a brat and a blonde.

I was embraced by the alternative , I panicked when I thought I lost my new found Brilliance.

I stalked a Czar.

I waited until midnight to put on my tubesocks but instead I just tied one on…Thanks a lot Chuck!

I cavorted with a toy, accepted a gift, in return I procured street meat like a stealth ninja in about 2 minutes.

(oh yeah, that street meat!)

I was showered with unicorns, ninja duckies and owls all without ever actually showering.

I met up with a chick, a weird girl and a girl who is on the spot.

I missed being cool, and I missed being blue, two things I really wanted to say HI to.

We all agreed we needed someone to keep us awake and that there just wasn’t enough poo around.

I missed riding a mechanical bull, that will have to wait for you know who, don’t you think so?

I even met Avitable and wasn’t AvitaBALLED…Thank fucking god.

Armed with a constant flow of very expensive booze I worked my way through the entire weekend with my Glitter Gang Bangers sprinkling my custom jelly bracelets, three separate blog cards and wit onto anyone who would listen long enough to my babble. Madly stalking anyone I recognized. Yes, I would randomly go up to people and say

‘you are so and so, right? Love me…please.’

Much to my relief no one sprayed mace in my eyes or yelled for security.

I ate two cheeseburgers one right after another at midnight followed by pizza in times square at about 3:00 am

 I did this all Thursday to Sunday with only half a xanax flowing through my veins.

Should you inquire about the sessions at Blogher my response would be:

Sessions?  There were sessions?