So earlier today as I was in the middle of eating a hard boiled egg I was told that my presence was requested by a real human being of which I had no idea who they were so this immediately sent me into a chewing frenzy of mastication, salivation and hyperventilation resulting in a portion of the hard boiled yolk being sucked up through my nasal passage into what would be my brain hole if I actually had one. So there I sat for the next 10 minutes trying to snort that thing back down in to my belly where it belongs, or out through my mouth from which it came , only to have it shoot out through my left nostril onto my dress which I then picked up with my own hands and ate it.
You see even though I haven’t written here in like a month or so, if you want to call that last piece of shit that actually took me longer than four hours to compose, writing? Not much has changed.
I am still a drooly, spittly mess of a non-social creature. Yet I constantly put my self into situations that require me to be (big fucking finger quotes here)
Who could really blame me any way for being so socially shy when one of the two things I can remember from this past summer was hearing about a woman who lost her esophagus and needed part of her tummy turned into her BRAND NEW ESOPHAGUS…albeit swollen esophagus that was now in desperate need of an extra large jacket to fit over her enlarged esophagus.
Holy hell…how do you lose your esophagus you filthy slut…?
Seriously though all I could think was ” Were you in Deep Throat? Because you don’t look anything like that nice lady from that movie!” but it was like 800 years ago so if it was you and what with all that hard work you put in…you deserve a new throat! Or at least a really fucking rad coat for that shiny new esophagus…which is exactly why I am so good at what I do.
I make swollen whore throats all the rage.