Killing the Bogeyman and Gold Plated Knees. These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things.

Let me fucking see here….Your new total is 8 hundred and eleventy thousand more dollars to pay off. Fuck me and fuck you money. You know? I wish I had some fuck you money. So I could wave my money around while dancing down the street saying fuck you money, this is my fuck you money!  I almost had a little fuck you money…I was this close *holds fingers up and pinches thumb and forefinger together while trying to explode some random strangers head*

There is a conspiracy here I can smell it…Oh wait no I can’t because it is odorless and tasteless but you bet your mother fucking ass it will kill you invisibly. And for that diagnosis I will take a check for thirty dollars and then another check for a whole bunch more to cure the Bogeyman in your basement.   You know the one you can’t see. Not the zombie ghosts that are totally real and WILL munch on your brains, no this is the invisible Bogeyman who lives in your basement and totally needs to get the fuck out or else!!! 

And just in case you thought you got away with tiny little Bogeyman bill,  your doggie goes and loses her knees. She can’t find them anywhere.  And well Fuck You again,  because it is christmas AND you just got rid of a credit card by way of PAYING. IT. OFF. Two weeks ago. And now you much beloved little 90 pound  mastiff needs to go out and get new knees.  Both of which will cost more than your combined income for the last 89 years. So BWAAHHHAAAHAAA FUCK YOU!

If I had fuck you money, I would totally buy each and everyone of you shiney new gold plated knees, even if you didn’t want them and we would all be drinking Crystal out of the Bogeyman’s invisible glass slipper. (Because the Bogeyman is a tranny!)

In case you didn’t notice I am a tad cranky right now. I like to give wow gifts at christmas, and I love christmas and I thought this year I might have been able to finally give The Dish a gift that made him say WOW! But instead we get to go buy knees, that by the way aren’t even gold plated and a Bogeyman Death Trap and gee what else fun can we come up with…Merry Christmas honey…here is a bucket of mud…I noticed that a bit of the driveway washed away in the last rain storm and I saw this and thought…WOW you are so going to be floored by this huge bucket of mud I got you for Christmas.

Also this sounds like I am not thankful…I am thankful that we will find a way to heal The Nug…she is two and a half and all I want is to see her run a little
piccolarunning

Eating snow, because apparently its stupid winter again…what the hell happened to summer?
PICCOLAsnowball

Playing with her frisbee…because THAT is THE BEST THING EVER TO DO!!!
PICCOLAfrisbee

Or at the very least to see her skull hump her boyfriend
PICCOLAcalypso
That would totally make me smile, because right now, I am feeling really sad that she is in pain and can’t do all the things she so loves to do.

As for the Mother Fucking Bogeyman…
Bogeyman_001

The Dish killed him by getting one of these installed in our basement (for the price of a small caribbean island) and up the outside of our house. It is called the Bogeyman Mitigation System. Its really ugly pretty.

bogeyman

 

Also can someone please for the love of what the fuck ever…why is it spelled Bogeyman and not Boogeyman…cause then we would know all he wants to do is DANCE! AND fuck up Christmas!

P.S. Apparently you can spell Bogeyman many different ways according to some stupid internet thing!

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 7th, 2009 at 7:31 am and is filed under Ranting and Ravings . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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