Brilliant Posts lead to Brilliant ideas  and since I am a brillionare I am organizing my own Blogging event in my very own back yard.  I have already started preparing for this horrendous event by cleaning up all the dog poop back there so you won’t have to worry about that!

I have my swag crap bags designed and I think you are all going to absolutely trample each other clamoring to get one.

I know, I know. I may have seriously outdone my self here. A can of silver glitter spray, because….do I even have to qualify it.  A yoga video featuring a guy named Rodney in a speedo. Who doesn’t love watching a guy in a speedo do back bends..aahhhhh. Yeeeaaah!  Oh of course you need three sample sizes of Aloe Cadabra Lube…for…the…yoga…

I am thinking a carnival theme is just what this event needs. I just need to convince The Dish that A Tasmanian Twister really is safe when you order it from a rental company that uses exactly two people to set it up. I mean really how could anything named Tasmanian be a bad idea?

I have secured Amanda of Brilliant Sulk fame as one of the guest speakers and I have also tapped Elly Lou at Buggin Word as another guest speaker who will also be donating prizes for all the contests we are going to have. They have been informed that this event does have a dress code so if you are planning on attending I suggest you order your outfit immediately as these ensembles are literally flying out the fucking door.  And guys…the dress code applies to you too, so a little manscaping might be in order.

Now the fun part. The contests where you can win an array of beautiful and useless crap…hence the event name, Crapapalooza!

 First and foremost the mayonnaise wrestling pit …who ever is the last blogger standing will win these adorable his and her egg clocks. And yes I do realize that it may get ugly when you are wrestling it out over TWO such coveted prizes but it is a risk I think you will be happy to take.  Nothing risked…nothing gained.

 Since it is so close to Easter I thought an evil crack bunny ‘Easter egg’ like hunt might be fun.

He hasn’t actually told me what it is you will be hunting for…but I have a feeling it will be the souls of all the dead kittens he’s been collecting over the years.

 You’ll be able to tell who I am because I will be rolling around the event wearing a fur coat, roller skates and my tiara…

which I found the other morning right before my interview and just after I terminated all the servants…too bad for them.

As for the entertainment portion I think a sex show is in order…don’t you? Wicked Shawn will be organizing it and I have a feeling its going to leave you all feeling a little warm and fuzzy.

Contest submissions are still open, think Blogher ROYO . I welcome any feed back (no back talk though) suggestions or prize donations. 

I have a feeling this event is going to knock your socks off…if you were allowed to wear them.

P.S. I was trying desperately to create the little ™ sign for Crapapalooza and Brillionare ( ™ ) but I clearly don’t possess those kind of keyboard skillz.  Steal this idea from me and I will sick the Evil Crack Bunny on your ass.

P.P.S.  Fuck the trademark sign actually showed up???…wtf!!!

You know what I am doing right now?  I am trying to get my palms to stop sweating.  It’s really fucking lovely. On top of that I am trying to drum up business at work by walking the streets with a sandwich board and a cow bell yelling at people to come in support the crazy woman inside the sandwich board. This is also really fucking lovely.  Add to it that I am in the process of planning The Dish’s impending birthday and not really knowing what to get as a gift since last year’s gift of a money tree has failed to produce anything but dead leaves and irony and the year before that  I ruined his birthday by making rubbery lobster and presenting him with a blubbery wife. That was REALLY FUCKING LOVELY.

I am experiencing  just a wee bit of anxiety these pasts few days or eons I can’t tell when it all really began. As a result I have been getting up at the ass crack of Dawn and let me tell you I really think ass cracks are ugly and I would be happy to never have to see one again.  I also seem to be allergic to that time of day because ever since Tuesday when I was up at 4:30 am (where I had no business being conscious at that time) I have been a sneezing drippy ball of snot. And that is really fucking lovely.

Also trying to reconcile my need for internet fame and fortune with my need to hide under rocks everyday is giving me stress. Rocks are so fairweather it is ridiculous and once they get cold it takes forever for them to warm up and become a place to hide under again. SIGH.  I need to learn how to breathe better. That is what my new Doctor says. I guess holding your breath for 40 years is not the best way to actually live.

This post has no real purpose and right there I probably committed one of the biggest blogging faux pas….if YOU think it has no purpose why would anyone want to read it??? blah blah blah blah blah.

 On the brighter side of things because I am a bit obsessive about things I always scour my spam comments to see if anything got put there by mistake or just to find something funny. Usually they all think that I am a flaccid tranny that likes to watch MMA but….this morning I found this comment which is really AWESOME: