Remember how I lost my marbles last Friday…no? you don’t remember? Well, thanks a lot, that’s very nice of you.

I still haven’t found them, nope. In fact I am concerned that someone stole them only to post them a Craig’s list to resell them because I think I had some pretty fucking awesome marbles…sigh.

Or maybe they saw it coming…
the mid-life crisis that is and rolled away and are secretly waiting around the corner to take me down when I least expect it. 
Mother fucking marbles.
  I did actually schedule the mid-life crisis though so its not like it is a HUGE secret.

Maybe I swallowed them which would explain the lump in my throat or the pain in my belly. Its really hard to conceal the fact that you have been crying all day because you can’t find your stupid marbles and you think they ran away with the neighbors wife or that you ate them and now you can’t even think about food because there are marbles stuck in your throat.

I keep telling everyone that I just got really baked before work. It’s not going over so well.

What does one wear when embarking on a mid- life crisis…a dirty wife beater, no pants and a beer holster? Its kind of cold to go with out pants. I think that technically it is not a mid-life crisis…It’s not like I’m getting a toupee after all. I mean how do you know its mid-life. I don’t think there is anyway to tell, because you would have to be clairvoyant or sentient….sentient, I like that word it’s kind of soothing but also a pain in the ass, this being sentient thing.

Babble. Babble. Babble.

Meltdown…maybe I will call it a meltdown. MELT  DOWN. Yes I am starting the rigorous process of having a melt down … a tattoo, another tattoo. Yes another tattoo…to make three…well kind of if you consider the smudge of one thats left on my something or other as a tattoo…I wonder if I could go to Jim’s Tattoo Parlor in Maine and stab him with his needles for allowing that one to happen, eh bygones I guess. It used to be cute and funny….
and so did I.

I am going to start a list…a running list of things I need to accomplish to adequately succeed at this meltdown thing.
1. Younger Man
2. Hair (I have hair silly, just different hair)
3. A Sexy Convertible
4. Motorcycle
5. Another Tattoo to Commemorate this Stupendous Event
6. Another pair of Stripper Shoes
7. Fronts. (WHAT, This is my Melt Down)

8. A Mother Fucking Tiara (unless I just get like five more fronts then I can glue them to my skull with fixodent)

If I have left anything off, just let me know.

I already thought about boobs, but quite frankly mine are better and bigger than my marbles that rolled away.