Every Sunday I visit Heathers blog Cool Zebras because it always makes me take a moment to think about the simple things in my life that are wonderful.

More and more I cherish the very simple and uncomplicated things in my life.  After a crazy Christmas I am more than happy to bask in the calm and serenity of my home.

Seeing as though I am so far ahead of the Christmas game with nothing better to do than putz around the house in my pajamas all day (I am sorry that is a total lie, I will try not to do that again) I am participating in the Secret Santa Can Suck It that Bee organized.  As socially awkward person I found my self full of doubt about doing it but I really don’t want Bee to drive all the way out here and fling dog vomit at me so with out further ramblings Dear Office Scribe… I am your Secret Santa…..oh please don’t cry…I thought long and hard about what to get you. I spent a good portion of my Sunday scoping out  your blog and finding things out about you…the intelius background check I ran was very interesting, but what I am most fascinated by is that you used to be a butcher….

A BUTCHER
That is so cool!  I think it is high time you get back to your roots so I searched long and hard and found you this:

ITS A FARM!!!! To raise pigs….

hello

BACON!!!
You are now going to be the proud owner, operator and Head Butcher of the premier bacon farm…this is going to be so awesome…BACON!  All kinds of bacon, this is going to be beautiful. 

I know you are speechless..really it is my pleasure to have purchased this farm for you as a Christmas gift. But wait there is more I also came across this and could not resist getting it for you. I mean really, could there be a more fitting complimentary gift?  The Bacon Suit Emporium, I am a brillianare!

Because as soon as you start making the bacon you are going to be producing AND selling thousands and thousands of these beautiful BACON SUITS!!!!

 Do Not Worry About A Thing…I have worked out all of the deets…I’ve even made you an appointment for your new tattoo because I knew how excited you would be about your new life as Head Bacon Butcher to the stars and would totally want to commemorate this time with THIS AWESOME TATTOO!

I hope you love all the gifts I got you…oh my god…I really hope you like bacon because if not I think I have totally screwed up your life!

Merry Christmas! With bacon on top!