Actually, yes I do. 

You see I have been wanting to find another way to whore my blog out because I know I don’t do enough of that on Twitter, or by sprinkling the entire east coast of this continent with my blog cards, or by walking the streets in a sandwich board ringing my cowbell.

My grand plan to take over the interwebs and step on the paws and tails of all the other little kittens out there was to create a badge for anyone and everyone out there who absolutely must pimp me out because that sandwich board is getting kind of worn and the splinters in my ass are KILLING me.

But *sigh*…all I did was think about it and ask the universe to provide me with some spectacular inspiration (and time) that would capture the essence of my fantastic blog, and by fantastic I mean the one where I post more than once every eon or so.

What I love about the universe…or web or HOLLY! at Mid Western Mamma is that they always put out!
I woke up the other morning and there in my box…(heh I said box) was the most divinely inspired badge a vapid girl could ask for.
That Holly made for me…out of the goodness of her heart.
(I swear I didn’t promise her the pot of gold I’ve been hoarding in my basement ever since I took out that entire commune of leprechauns that were squatting on my property, they are worse than hippies.)

DUN, DUN, DUNNNNN!
The unveiling of my beautiful sparkly badge compliments of Holly,  who captured my essence to perfection!

I love her!

P.S. I am working on the little scroll box (heh, I said box, AhhGAIN) to show up on my side bar with the Secret Code…but for now it’s so secret, NO ONE can fucking have it. For now feel free to
1.Copy that picture —>
2.Paste it all over.
3. Link back  to me and
4. Tell me to shut the fuck up and go find some code bitch.

I am so sad, so very very sad.  You all are living your bloggy life and like I said in my last post I have had no time to make sweet, sweet love to your blogs. It seems that I have surrounded my self with a bunch REAL LIFE FUCKERS********* who don’t understand what a blog is. So I try to explain.

AVB: Honey do you realize that I was a part of the sexburger post that turned into Commentpalooza*** with @KeepingYouAwake.

TD: Sweetie I love you but the last thing I need is for you to keep me awake.

 TD: Oh hi, Old College Friend you remember AVB?
OCF: Oh yeah, what is it that you do again?
AVB: I run a boutique and I like to write kind of….
TD: My wife has a BLOG…
OCF: A what???
TD: A BLOG…A WEBLOG…       …       …    It’s like an online (oh my god don’t fucking say it) DIARY?
OCF: ohhhhhh. aaaaa. bloooooog.
AVB: *blinks twice* *downs wine while scratching back of neck* *crawls under table and drinks more wine*

 

 Flash forward AGAIN…sorry for all the time travel here but I feel left out of the Bloggy world and I am having complete and total separation anxiety and really want to get back…and the only way to get back is to slip through the open portal covered in mayo like lube.

It is Sunday… the plane hasn’t crashed. The doggies haven’t perished from the heat. The car started. We had the car keys to start the fucking beast and the lovely little percs are in full effect. We eat bad pizza, we drink decent wine (well I do since The Dish still feels ill from the moment we got on the plane, where he actually took out the barf bag but never used it! …yay more wine for me.) And I sit down to hear all about LOST. Uhhhh, what? And its about that time in the night when I am about to end the conversations with ANYWAY….(you know how people do that when they are trying to think of something to say? Like me on Twitter. After travelling to much higher altitudes for four days. In a plane. Loaded with Xanax. Stuffed to the gills since I haven’t pooped (not that I ever do that) since Wednesday. Having hydrated with Margaritas SANS SALT. With sick feet that need medical ointment*****?)  YEAH, that is how I tried to end the night, but instead I went to check my blog stats, which are totally in the  shitter…alone.

And that is when another piece of my walls fell off I think. And I am totally fine with it if you are reading this….But please know that somewhere in between the shy, hammered, altitudinally challenged wife of your college friend and the latex wearing pony humping freakazoid (*******) you are reading here…
lies me. 
Trying to find my balance.
 And at times that is very, very hard for me to do.

They say patience is a virture, so I am convinced I am a fucking virginal saint or what the fuck ever, since I keep waiting patiently (or is it…patently) for my balance….you know I used to be a gymnast.

***Not to be confused with Crapapalooza.
**** At least some one’s cock is getting sucked. (see last sortasentence)
***** Do any of you know what it is like to have high feet? Seriously considering moving to Boulder.
******* I have also received a prestigious award from Mid Western Mama that I have yet to respond to.  Time is  a funny thing. It wasn’t that long ago that she bestowed me with this honor yet I feel like an aging starlet already. (I promise when I have proper time I will accept your award with grace.)

********* I should clarify….I do not in anyway consider any one to  be a Fucker in my real life. Especially NOT The Dish.

P.S. My twitch in my left eye since February 23, 2010 that I wrote about a month later? Still here.