Why You Should Think Twice About Sending That Chain Email: A PSA From Me

I love getting emails. Except if they are from that one person.
You know who I’m talking about.
The one person who’s emails are always  accompanied by a creepy little animated girl with big eyes telling you how you should pass on the creepy little animated big eyed girl to all the people you care about. To show them how much you care about them and then you will know how many people love you by the sheer volume of people who send you back that creepy little animated big eyed girl.
Because nothing says I care more than a creepy little animated big eyed girl.


From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are

 

Hey!!!!!!! I was thinking about you and thought I’d drop you an email. Hope all is well. Oh and by the way…
THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU NOW SEND THIS FUCKER ON TO EVERY HUMAN WHO YOU THINK IS SUPER FUCKING FANTASTIC…

THIS IS FOR REAL. PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE SPECIAL HUMANS IN YOUR LIFE TO SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE, INCLUDING ME MOTHERFUCKER. AND DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN OR YOUR LEFT EYEBALL WILL POP OUT IN FOUR DAYS. IT WORKS. TRUST ME.

XOXO
VAPID
 
    

From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean self centered bitches who ignore the love I am sending you through email)

THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

DO.

NOT.

DELETE.

IF YOU DO ALL THE UNICORNS IN THE WORLD WILL START POOPING ACTUAL SHIT AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS IT IS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE MY LAST  EMAIL OF LOVE AND LIGHT BUT BECAUSE I AM BETTER THAN YOU I WILL FORGIVE YOU AND WILL SEND YOU MY HEART. 

 NOW PASS THIS ON TO EVERY HUMAN YOU CARE ABOUT OR YOU WILL MAKE THIS CREEPY LITTLE ANIMATED NO EYED GIRL RIP HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART OUT. DON’T FOR GET TO SEND IT BACK TO ME OR I WILL SEND YOU HER DEAD AND BROKEN HEART THROUGH THE U.S. MAIL.

XOXO
VAPID


From: A Vapid Blonde

To: Every Single Special Person In My Contacts Even If I Have No Idea Who The Hell You Are (and by special I now mean cold heartless catty people who ignore my EXTREMELY heart felt emails that I take minutes out of my day to compose and send to you.)

DON’T WORRY. LIFE IS WONDERFUL. RAINBOWS STILL EXIST. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES TO SEE THE BEAUTY AROUND YOU.

UNLESS OF COURSE YOUR EYES ARE BLEEDING FROM THEIR SOCKETS BECAUSE AT LEAST YOUR LEFT EYE HAS POPPED OUT SINCE YOU NEVER SENT THE FIRST EMAIL BACK TO ME.
(I TOLD YOU IT WORKED)
WHICH WOULD ALSO EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVEN’T SENT BACK ANY OF THESE EMAILS OF LOVE TO ME.
SO I WILL JUST ASSUME YOU CAN’T EVEN READ.
WHICH IS TOO BAD FOR YOU BECAUSE  IF THIS EMAIL DOESN’T COME BACK TO ME AND YOU BREAK THE FORWARDING CHAIN  ALL THE FAIRIES IN THE WORLD WILL GET EATEN BY ZOMBIES AND THEIR BLOOD WILL BE ON YOUR HANDS.
 
SELFISH ASSHOLE.
 
X fucking O X fucking O
VAPID
 
    

So if you send me a chain email let this serve as fair warning that you may just get one back from me with a lot less love and a whole hell of a lot more kitten blood.