I’ve mentioned not long ago how I started this new “gym” thing where they make you do loads of squats of all different types and some of them you do on your hands…HA, funny right? Yeah well my arms are having a hard time typing this out because they did all sorts of arm squats that caused my head to swell with all the blood that started to pool in it until I got back on my feet which then almost made me black out, I know what it means to see stars now. But whats even more disturbing is that since I contracted The Tuberculosis it’s been a week since I actually went to this new “gym” and when I knew I was going the next day I ended up having a dream about it but instead of “Forging Elite Fitness” by squatting. On my hands. I was doing some kind of strange whole body v-fold thing while wearing hot pink spandex, leg warmers and listening to “Do you want to get physical, physical, physical? Let me hear your body talk…” And for some reason I found it all very funny.
In my dream that is, until I woke up and felt like I needed a good slap in the face to shake me out of it.
The other disturbing thing is that I found my self missing this new “gym” and missing the constant way my body feels like an over stretched rubber band fused with a wet noodle and I think I may be a Sadoaddictivist to this place now.
I totally made that word up.
I’m allowed to make up words because I’m a Word Nerd.
Apparently saying motherfucking knucklehead makes me a brillionare.
Which, by the way, is another word I made up because I am allowed to.
And since I am trying not to post about the weather. Or my hair. Or the fact that we still have no signal for our satellite. I’ve realized that I am a shallow person because the only thing I could come up with is my lousy rubbery legs and arms and my apparently IMMENSE vocabulary. Or as the Word Gestapo put it my Brobdingnagian vocabulary which, in a fitting display of irony, I had to look up and it just means huge, as in size and then I thought how they really are trying to fuck with me because they know I’ve had The Tuberculosis and haven’t been at the gym in a week so really they are just calling me a fat ass.