Motherfucking Knuckleheads, Don’t They Know Who I Am?
I’ve mentioned not long ago how I started this new “gym” thing where they make you do loads of squats of all different types and some of them you do on your hands…HA, funny right? Yeah well my arms are having a hard time typing this out because they did all sorts of arm squats that caused my head to swell with all the blood that started to pool in it until I got back on my feet which then almost made me black out, I know what it means to see stars now. But whats even more disturbing is that since I contracted The Tuberculosis it’s been a week since I actually went to this new “gym” and when I knew I was going the next day I ended up having a dream about it but instead of “Forging Elite Fitness” by squatting. On my hands. I was doing some kind of strange whole body v-fold thing while wearing hot pink spandex, leg warmers and listening to “Do you want to get physical, physical, physical? Let me hear your body talk…” And for some reason I found it all very funny.
And sexy.
In my dream that is, until I woke up and felt like I needed a good slap in the face to shake me out of it.
The other disturbing thing is that I found my self missing this new “gym” and missing the constant way my body feels like an over stretched rubber band fused with a wet noodle and I think I may be a Sadoaddictivist to this place now.
I totally made that word up.
I’m allowed to make up words because I’m a Word Nerd.
Apparently saying motherfucking knucklehead makes me a brillionare.
Which, by the way, is another word I made up because I am allowed to.
And since I am trying not to post about the weather. Or my hair. Or the fact that we still have no signal for our satellite. I’ve realized that I am a shallow person because the only thing I could come up with is my lousy rubbery legs and arms and my apparently IMMENSE vocabulary. Or as the Word Gestapo put it my Brobdingnagian vocabulary which, in a fitting display of irony, I had to look up and it just means huge, as in size and then I thought how they really are trying to fuck with me because they know I’ve had The Tuberculosis and haven’t been at the gym in a week so really they are just calling me a fat ass.
Cock knuckles!
Twitter: subWOW
Says:
February 11th, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Ah man. I was hoping to at least be able to call myself a nerd. Now you just went and raised the standards! Seriously, if you are squatting so much that you are seeing stars, you should not be counted as a nerd. The only stars you see should have been Star Wars.
Ok. Fine. Maybe you are a word nerd ’cause I still have no idea what cock knuckle is. No. Please. Nobody sends me an illustration!
subWOW´s last [type] ..Don’t forget February 14!
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:01 am
@SubWOW I have no idea what a cockknuckle is either so that makes two of us. But it does sound kind of cool!
Twitter: subWOW
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Oh my goodness. So you made it up??!! And somehow it totally makes sense even though we have no idea what it means??!!! Yes m’lady, you are a giant sexy hwat lava of a word nerd. Awesome.
subWOW´s last [type] ..The Cuckoo and The Choo Choo
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 10:22 pm
Hmm, I am not sure if I actually made it up but am TOTALlY willing to take credit for it!XOXO
A Vapid Blonde´s last [type] ..Motherfucking Knuckleheads- Don’t They Know Who I Am
Twitter: asvinnycsit
Says:
February 11th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
And here you were calling them typos all this time. It was just your wordnerdy genius shining through.
Vinny C´s last [type] ..Where It All Began
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:01 am
@Vinny And when I randomly leave letters out? I meant to do that. Sometimes there just isn’t a need for every T.
Twitter: katsidhe
Says:
February 11th, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I think I might be a sadoaddictivist, too. There is this machine that stretches your hamstrings by pulling them wider and wider, and it hurts. so. GOOD. I know it’s rather warped of me, but I love it.~
Then again maybe I’m not a sadoaddictivist, and I just need to get laid. Hmm.
Kat´s last [type] ..Minge- the Purple Headed Womb Ferret & Pimping
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:02 am
@Kat Either way both are awesome, getting laid and being a sadaddictivist.
Twitter: katsidhe
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Truer words, sweetie.~
Kat´s last [type] ..Minge- the Purple Headed Womb Ferret & Pimping
February 11th, 2011 at 8:22 pm
This is one of the better titled blogs I’ve ever come across.
WowThatWasAwkward´s last [type] ..Bitch on PMS
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:28 am
@WowThatWasAwkward Why thank you….it took a really long time to come up with. Like tens of minutes.
Twitter: alittlebitrock
Says:
February 11th, 2011 at 8:22 pm
There’s a PBS cartoon called “Word Girl.” And now I think you must be her for Halloween.
Andrea´s last [type] ..Runaway Part II
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:03 am
@Andrea I will have to check out this slut called the Word Girl…does she have a cape? I need a cape I think.
Twitter: subWOW
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Andrea, brilliant idea! Vapid, yes Word Girl not only has a red cape, she even wears a red babushka-looking thingy around her head! PERFUCKT!
subWOW´s last [type] ..The Cuckoo and The Choo Choo
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 10:20 pm
Oh my, oh my, oh my! Must do this!
A Vapid Blonde´s last [type] ..Motherfucking Knuckleheads- Don’t They Know Who I Am
February 15th, 2011 at 10:00 am
I just finished watching the Word Girl episode where she fights Chuck the evil sandwich making guy. And I swear to god that the second episode’s word of the day was ricochet and she used this sentence “as long as I can ricochet these balls into Huggy Faces mouth we should be fine”
I’m going to be searcing ALL day to find a situation where I can use that phrase!
dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 15th, 2011 at 7:51 pm
@Dufmanno THAT is an excellent use of the word ricochet, if I do say so myself. And what are kids watching these days?
February 11th, 2011 at 10:55 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by avapidblonde, avapidblonde. avapidblonde said: Motherfucking Knuckleheads, Don’t They Know Who I Am? http://www.avapidblonde.com/?p=4091 (my apologies in advance) [...]
February 11th, 2011 at 11:51 pm
As much as it can beat you up sometimes, it’s such a different & good feeling to tone up like that.
I feel so weak when I haven’t worked out consistently. I feel like a cupcake right now, but I’d like to feel like a protein shake.
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 12th, 2011 at 11:21 am
@Pixi Today, I can’t move. I am now one giant muscle knot. And I love it.
February 12th, 2011 at 6:36 am
You are wordspirational. See? I’m making up words just reading your blog. And my vocabulary is not so brogningwhatever.
chickensconsigliere´s last [type] ..Chicken Soup
Twitter: avapidblonde
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February 12th, 2011 at 11:22 am
@Chicken OH. MY. GOD. I feel so honored. ::wipes tear::
Twitter: pattypunker
Says:
February 13th, 2011 at 11:53 am
woot! sadoaddictivist should get you a score of 1999.99** infinity and a ranking of superzilladigiprincess. now i’m off to the gym but just to use the steam room to detox. it is sunday after all and no one wants to see me making up anymore words or numbers.
pattypunker´s last [type] ..voices in my head
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 13th, 2011 at 11:55 am
@Patty Punker You can make up any word or number you feel like on my web log. *SNORT* I used the words Web Log instead of the conjunction…BLOG.
February 13th, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Everything about Olivia Neuter John is sexy. Don’t blame yourself. She’s a minx.
Elly Lou´s last [type] ..I Would Uke Everything I Own for a zombie sock puppet
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:00 pm
@Elly Like Especially in Xanadu, she was awesome on wheels in THAT one. Also? Big hugs to you and me on how we can not make Rhoda part of the GGB. 14th!!!! I almost couldn’t be in any worse of a position in that one. *Grumbles*
Twitter: labarreness
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:16 am
Cock knuckle?
Defo my current favourite insult.
Also one I thought I had “innovented” (Stolen from 30 Rock) and am both delighted and slightly f*cked off to see elsewhere.
Nevermind. I forgive you.
Now squat and … let me hear your body talk.
Rawr.
- B x
The Barreness´s last [type] ..My best friend- the cnt
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
@The Barreness I can’t actually claim invention of the Cock Knuckle but I definitely use it often. Or at least just the word Cock for short. Or long.
February 14th, 2011 at 11:00 am
My lovely and dangerous wife teaches cardio/kickboxing at a local karate dojo (she’s testing for her 4th degree black belt in April) and according to her victims, those workouts border on sado/masochistic events every Tues/Thurs/Saturday… and she jogs six miles between her cardio class and the advanced karate class at the school.
I, meanwhile, have perfected the 12 ounce curl here at my computer desk, and always try to keep up a respectable pace while she’s away. Someone’s gotta keep up with our beer supply, if she’s not gonna help. I’m recycling aluminum and don’t want to disappoint the guys at the metal exchange place.
Love your word-nerd suggestions.
Squatlo´s last [type] ..YOUR WALMART HATS ARE AVAILABLE!
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
@Squatlo Dangersous wives are all the rage. As long as she is yours. You seem to have a nice system of give and take worked out with her and the envrionment. It’s all about balance,
Twitter: daddygeekboy
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 4:06 pm
I don’t understand this thing you say where you “miss” the gym? Is that even English?
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:04 pm
@Daddy Geek Boy. One word. Aliens. That is all.
February 14th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Are you doing Crossfit? I recognized the “Forging Elite Fitness” slogan….. and the squats with your arms….are you doing box jumps? Someone explain to me who thought putting an 18 inch wooden box in front of an epileptic short, uncoordinated girl and saying, jump up on that 12 times, starting now was a good mo’ freaking idea????
Anywho, I love your wordy sexiness…..I think it adds to your allure.
Wicked Shawn´s last [type] ..Analyze This……which is probably copyrighted or trademarked or whatev…
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 14th, 2011 at 8:05 pm
@Wicked Shawn Why yes indeed that is what I am doing. And I fucking love it. (so far) I can’t move for the past three weeks but that means I am doing it right and I did the box jumps twice now. But I think my box is only 12 inches. Heh, my box is tiny. Oh my god I will stop now.
February 15th, 2011 at 10:02 am
My squat thrusts always involve twelve inches and a box.
See?
No need for you to stop!
dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 15th, 2011 at 7:52 pm
@Dufmanno Ooooh squat thrusts. *hikes pants up to just under boobs and does 10 squat THRUSTS*
Twitter: kernut
Says:
February 15th, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I agree – this working out thing can be quite addicting. I’m joining other booty camps and organizing extracurricular exercise groups.
“cock knuckle” is a new one for me. As was “moose knuckle” when I heard it the other day from one of my charming match.com dates. awesome.
Kernut the Blond´s last [type] ..Adventures In Online Dating Part One
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 15th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
@Kernut I always see you on FB asking for people to join you in your work outs. If only was closer we could squat together.
February 16th, 2011 at 10:52 am
This is starting to sound like a letter to Penthouse forum .
….and then suddenly there were two willing…squatting…thrusting….
dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
February 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Sadly, there is nothing new under the sun.
Brillionaire, n. circa 1998: Coined by “The Real World: Seattle” cast member Irene, this sarcastic term is a combination of the words “brilliant” and “billionaire” used to denote stupidity.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=brillionaire
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
February 17th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
@BARBIE!!!!! You cannot come here and take my sunshine away. Besides I’ve never even watched any Real World. So if I didn’t see it, it never happened. And my definition is different. Some one who is RICH with BRAINS, like a Zombie.