Motherfucking Knuckleheads, Don’t They Know Who I Am?

I’ve mentioned not long ago how I started this new “gym” thing where they make you do loads of squats of all different types and some of them you do on your hands…HA, funny right? Yeah well my arms are having a hard time typing this out because they did all sorts of arm squats that caused my head to swell with all the blood that started to pool in it until I got back on my feet which then almost made me black out, I know what it means to see stars now. But whats even more disturbing is that since I contracted The Tuberculosis it’s been a week since I actually went to this new “gym” and when I knew I was going the next day I ended up having a dream about it but instead of “Forging Elite Fitness” by squatting. On my hands.  I was doing some kind of strange whole body v-fold thing while wearing hot pink spandex, leg warmers and listening to “Do you want to get physical, physical, physical? Let me hear your body talk…” And for some reason I found it all very funny.
And sexy.
In my dream that is, until I woke up and felt like I needed a good slap in the face to shake me out of it.
The other disturbing thing is that I found my self missing this new “gym” and missing the constant way my body feels like an over stretched rubber band fused with a wet noodle  and I think I may be a Sadoaddictivist to this place now.

I totally made that word up.
I’m allowed to make up words because I’m a Word Nerd.

Apparently saying motherfucking knucklehead makes me a brillionare.
Which,  by the way,  is another word I made up because I am allowed to.

And since I am trying not to post about the weather. Or my hair.  Or the fact that we still have no signal for our satellite. I’ve realized that I am a shallow person  because the only thing I could come up with is my lousy rubbery legs and arms and my apparently IMMENSE vocabulary.  Or as the Word Gestapo put it my Brobdingnagian vocabulary which, in a fitting display of irony, I had to look up and it just means huge, as in size and then I thought how they really are trying to fuck with me because they know I’ve had The Tuberculosis and haven’t been at the gym in a week so really they are just calling me a fat ass.
Cock knuckles!

41 thoughts on “Motherfucking Knuckleheads, Don’t They Know Who I Am?

  1. subWOW
    Twitter: subWOW

    Ah man. I was hoping to at least be able to call myself a nerd. Now you just went and raised the standards! Seriously, if you are squatting so much that you are seeing stars, you should not be counted as a nerd. The only stars you see should have been Star Wars.

    Ok. Fine. Maybe you are a word nerd ’cause I still have no idea what cock knuckle is. No. Please. Nobody sends me an illustration!
    subWOW´s last blog post ..Don’t forget February 14!My Profile

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          1. dufmanno

            I just finished watching the Word Girl episode where she fights Chuck the evil sandwich making guy. And I swear to god that the second episode’s word of the day was ricochet and she used this sentence “as long as I can ricochet these balls into Huggy Faces mouth we should be fine”
            I’m going to be searcing ALL day to find a situation where I can use that phrase!
            dufmanno´s last blog post ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel BleakMy Profile

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  3. Pixi

    As much as it can beat you up sometimes, it’s such a different & good feeling to tone up like that.

    I feel so weak when I haven’t worked out consistently. I feel like a cupcake right now, but I’d like to feel like a protein shake.

    Reply
  4. pattypunker
    Twitter: pattypunker

    woot! sadoaddictivist should get you a score of 1999.99** infinity and a ranking of superzilladigiprincess. now i’m off to the gym but just to use the steam room to detox. it is sunday after all and no one wants to see me making up anymore words or numbers.
    pattypunker´s last blog post ..voices in my headMy Profile

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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Elly Like Especially in Xanadu, she was awesome on wheels in THAT one. Also? Big hugs to you and me on how we can not make Rhoda part of the GGB. 14th!!!! I almost couldn’t be in any worse of a position in that one. *Grumbles*

      Reply
  5. The Barreness
    Twitter: labarreness

    Cock knuckle?

    Defo my current favourite insult.

    Also one I thought I had “innovented” (Stolen from 30 Rock) and am both delighted and slightly f*cked off to see elsewhere.

    Nevermind. I forgive you.

    Now squat and … let me hear your body talk.

    Rawr.

    - B x
    The Barreness´s last blog post ..My best friend- the cntMy Profile

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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @The Barreness I can’t actually claim invention of the Cock Knuckle but I definitely use it often. Or at least just the word Cock for short. Or long.

      Reply
  6. Squatlo

    My lovely and dangerous wife teaches cardio/kickboxing at a local karate dojo (she’s testing for her 4th degree black belt in April) and according to her victims, those workouts border on sado/masochistic events every Tues/Thurs/Saturday… and she jogs six miles between her cardio class and the advanced karate class at the school.
    I, meanwhile, have perfected the 12 ounce curl here at my computer desk, and always try to keep up a respectable pace while she’s away. Someone’s gotta keep up with our beer supply, if she’s not gonna help. I’m recycling aluminum and don’t want to disappoint the guys at the metal exchange place.
    Love your word-nerd suggestions.
    Squatlo´s last blog post ..YOUR WALMART HATS ARE AVAILABLE!My Profile

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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Squatlo Dangersous wives are all the rage. As long as she is yours. You seem to have a nice system of give and take worked out with her and the envrionment. It’s all about balance,

      Reply
  7. Wicked Shawn

    Are you doing Crossfit? I recognized the “Forging Elite Fitness” slogan….. and the squats with your arms….are you doing box jumps? Someone explain to me who thought putting an 18 inch wooden box in front of an epileptic short, uncoordinated girl and saying, jump up on that 12 times, starting now was a good mo’ freaking idea????

    Anywho, I love your wordy sexiness…..I think it adds to your allure.
    Wicked Shawn´s last blog post ..Analyze This……which is probably copyrighted or trademarked or whatev…My Profile

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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Wicked Shawn Why yes indeed that is what I am doing. And I fucking love it. (so far) I can’t move for the past three weeks but that means I am doing it right and I did the box jumps twice now. But I think my box is only 12 inches. Heh, my box is tiny. Oh my god I will stop now.

      Reply
  8. Kernut the Blond
    Twitter: kernut

    I agree – this working out thing can be quite addicting. I’m joining other booty camps and organizing extracurricular exercise groups.

    “cock knuckle” is a new one for me. As was “moose knuckle” when I heard it the other day from one of my charming match.com dates. awesome.
    Kernut the Blond´s last blog post ..Adventures In Online Dating Part OneMy Profile

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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @BARBIE!!!!! You cannot come here and take my sunshine away. Besides I’ve never even watched any Real World. So if I didn’t see it, it never happened. And my definition is different. Some one who is RICH with BRAINS, like a Zombie. ;-)

      Reply

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