Sugar, Ah Honey, Honey!

On my way into work I listen to this thing called a radio because somewhere about a year ago my iPod ran away never to be found again. I listen to one station because when you live in the middle of no where usually there is only one station that comes in for most of the trip. The DJ’s (are they even called that anymore?) have been talking about this thing called a sugar glider and they have people calling in about them and all I can think of is that it’s some kind of self lubing sex toy and I can’t quite understand how this one caller was all like the guy never told me how nasty it was going to be for like the first week and I just keep envisioning this woman with some giant self lubing tube that some how goes completely berzerk like a fire engine hose, whipping around the bedroom, knocking shit over and spewing some kind of gelatinous goo that smells like cherries while the woman keeps trying to stuff the tube up her dry hoo haa.
For about two weeks now I have been meaning to google it but most likely I put it out of my head as we all know the dangers of the deranged google world and how it can damage our retina’s by burning images onto them for all of eternity.
So  I just kept imagining all the ways this woman was getting into sticky situations with her nasty sugar glider.
Then I was all like, OH MY GOD that poor woman.  All she was trying to do was pleasure her self and then she ends up with like three broken ribs because the damn Sugar Glider took off like a rocket and as she went running to capture it she slipped and fell in the spillage, knocking the wind out of her leaving her for dead on the floor without so much as a good bye kiss. And when she finally comes to she gets to explain to her roommates  why EVERY thing in the house is dripping in cherry scented goo because she was a total horn dog and instead of reading the manual to figure out how to handle her new sugar glider she just turned the thing on and turned it loose only she probably should have stuffed it inside her panty hamster before turning it on to avoid the lunatic rampage of letting it loose out side of it’s cage.
Patience is a virtue ya know.
So imagine my surprise once I finally googled “sugar glider” and it’s not a sex toy.
Not.
At.
 All.

To my knowledge the last person to use something like that as a sex toy ended up in an emergency room with an entourage of spin  doctors trying to set the record straight.
Unless this is some kind of new sex fad that I am unaware of seeing as though I’m actually a 12 year old boy who’s mom has the search filter on google set to safe.
And if that’s the case then…
Turn up the volume power and rock out with your new Sugar Glider.

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62 thoughts on “Sugar, Ah Honey, Honey!

    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Alitalyn You know I already did that and got too skeered to go further. I’m pretty sure it exists out there. Your invention sounds positively dangerous!

      Reply
  1. Jessica
    Twitter: booshy2

    I guess my first question is…why…sugar gliders? I mean…really?? Are they THAT much different than a squirrell or a bat?…and if they are…are people keeping them as pets?? They’re nocturnal…which means they better be an insomniac or else that sugar glider is A: going to be bored and B: as a result of said boredom, destroy something expensive.

    Yah…I think I’m done, here…

    Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Booshy But? What if you are a vampire and you like little flying creatures the size of your fingers that you could use as accessories, like earrings or…um….nipple tassles? What about that? Didn’t think of that now did ya?

      Reply
  2. Wicked Shawn

    I………yeah……so…..ummm…..going to turn on my iPod now. The one with the song dedication to the Sugar Glider. WTF??!! I’m too sober to understand what this all means. Or maybe my mind works in mysterious ways. I think I am construing this to mean there was a woman having the………..ick……with that cute little furry creature and a frightening, out of control, cherry scented tube of flying goo. I need a drink.
    Wicked Shawn´s last blog post ..A Month Old Challenge……Continues…My Profile

    Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Wicked Shawn Nope, it wasn’t the woman at all, she just owns the cute little exotic animal called a Sugar Glider. I, on the other hand, am the one with the sick mind that made that all up. I’m have a little bourbon and eggnog, want some?

      Reply
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    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Jayme The Random Blogette Tell you boss to mind his/her own business. Like is worth living on the edge with your panty hamster out chasing a sugar glider!

      Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @The Sweetest I want the bats in your world…they are way cute. It’s a sugar glider, almost lik a squirrel but exotic…or erotic. Or something.

      Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Reid Um…would you believe a dirty old man then? Wearing a wife beater tee, sippin’ pabts blue ribbon? With my left hand down the front of my pants just because it’s comfy?

      Reply
        1. A Vapid Blonde
          Twitter: avapidblonde
          Post author

          @Reid Okay so how about….a secret double agent pretending to be a 12 year old boy trapped in a 42 year old girls body who uses the 12 year old boy/dirty old man scenario to be inappropriate at all times?

          Reply
  4. cali

    how much do i just LOVE that song?!? but you know me and my music…

    and gelatinous cherry scented goo?? where did that come from? or i wanna know?
    cali´s last blog post ..hereMy Profile

    Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Tom G. And the internet worlds collide again in a three way of you being here, me being at your blog and Patty’s puddin being everywhere. Talk about sticky situations.

      Reply
  5. Amanda

    I liked the sugar glider so much more when I thought it was an out of control sex toy! I’m a nurse and there are frequent stories about people coming into the ER with all kinds of things stuck up their asses. How entertaining would it be to have someone come in with a berserk, auto-lubing sex toy lodged somewhere sensitive and refusing to come out? Everyone in the hospital would get that call, “You’ve gotta come see this now!”

    I live out in the sticks. We’ve all got to do something for entertainment.

    Enjoy your eggnog! I’m sticking with Shiner Blonde tonight, but dreaming of an Old Speckled Hen.
    Amanda´s last blog post ..I saved a life yesterdayMy Profile

    Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Amanda OH MY GOD, youve confirmed my worst nightmares. That ER/Nurses do judge you! AHaaaaahaaaahaaaa. And I do love an Old Speckled Hen everynow and then. So creamy and good.

      Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Amanda But isn’t that what we are tallking about here. You know, gettting something stuck someplace interesting? And I’m not talking about getting your car stuck in a sand dune with a stripper dressed as a nun on a moonlit night in August.

      Reply
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  7. Steam Me Up, Kid

    Here from moooooog’s place! I love how 20 years later, Richard Gere’s name is so connected to rodent sex that you didn’t even have to MENTION his name to make a Richard Gere joke. Just a picture of that animal, and a mention of spin doctors, and a *wink*, and we know. I guess that means his spin doctors didn’t do such a hot job, huh?

    Reply
    1. A Vapid Blonde
      Twitter: avapidblonde
      Post author

      @Steam Me Up, Kid Who the hell is Richard Gere? I was talking about my 10th grade science teacher. That guy had some serious issues. Also I’m not surprised that Moooooog35 enjoyed this rodent sex post so much he had to link to it. Also, I really like how you think!

      Reply
  8. The Barreness
    Twitter: labarreness

    My God, I’ve missed the crap out of this blog.

    Um, yea, I know it’s my fault and all, but really? gelatinous cherry flavoured goo and a dry hoo ha??

    This is SO my kind of place.

    - B x

    Reply
  9. Sakoochi

    Hysterical post … Awful, smelly, nocturnal, nasty, pocket rat. They poop everywhere, pee on you constantly, crab at anything that disturbs it and should remain in the wild. My girlfriend has one and BOY do I wish it was the sex toy you wrote about! Our lives would be way better.

    Reply

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