Sugar, Ah Honey, Honey!

On my way into work I listen to this thing called a radio because somewhere about a year ago my iPod ran away never to be found again. I listen to one station because when you live in the middle of no where usually there is only one station that comes in for most of the trip. The DJ’s (are they even called that anymore?) have been talking about this thing called a sugar glider and they have people calling in about them and all I can think of is that it’s some kind of self lubing sex toy and I can’t quite understand how this one caller was all like the guy never told me how nasty it was going to be for like the first week and I just keep envisioning this woman with some giant self lubing tube that some how goes completely berzerk like a fire engine hose, whipping around the bedroom, knocking shit over and spewing some kind of gelatinous goo that smells like cherries while the woman keeps trying to stuff the tube up her dry hoo haa.
For about two weeks now I have been meaning to google it but most likely I put it out of my head as we all know the dangers of the deranged google world and how it can damage our retina’s by burning images onto them for all of eternity.
So  I just kept imagining all the ways this woman was getting into sticky situations with her nasty sugar glider.
Then I was all like, OH MY GOD that poor woman.  All she was trying to do was pleasure her self and then she ends up with like three broken ribs because the damn Sugar Glider took off like a rocket and as she went running to capture it she slipped and fell in the spillage, knocking the wind out of her leaving her for dead on the floor without so much as a good bye kiss. And when she finally comes to she gets to explain to her roommates  why EVERY thing in the house is dripping in cherry scented goo because she was a total horn dog and instead of reading the manual to figure out how to handle her new sugar glider she just turned the thing on and turned it loose only she probably should have stuffed it inside her panty hamster before turning it on to avoid the lunatic rampage of letting it loose out side of it’s cage.
Patience is a virtue ya know.
So imagine my surprise once I finally googled “sugar glider” and it’s not a sex toy.
Not.
At.
 All.

To my knowledge the last person to use something like that as a sex toy ended up in an emergency room with an entourage of spin  doctors trying to set the record straight.
Unless this is some kind of new sex fad that I am unaware of seeing as though I’m actually a 12 year old boy who’s mom has the search filter on google set to safe.
And if that’s the case then…
Turn up the volume power and rock out with your new Sugar Glider.