Behind Closed Doors: Or In This Case Maybe You Should Lock Your Doors
In case you hadn’t noticed this is the second installment of my *Behind Closed Doors*. This is supposed to be my version of that thing that real bloggers do when they do their weekly wrap up but on some weeks this maybe all I am doing so on the following week my weekly wrap up would include only last weeks wrap up and it would get really boring really fast.
So this is my ‘when ever I get to it’ wrap up.
1.
So last week I talked about my hair, and then I talked about my hair and then The Bitch Blog featured a post of mine about my hair.
I’m thinking I need to come up with a new trick for this pony.
2.
Last week I was the victim of Moooooog35′s probing questions at Studio 30+ Questions For A Blogger and as tradition dictates I then proceeded to harass Elly at BugginWord with a few somewhat less probing questions for this weeks Questions For A Blogger. By the way any one who can say Happy Mother Fucking Birthday in a birthday post to their mother is my hero.
3.
I ran my second *official* 5K this past weekend. And I use the word official very loosely. There were no bibs, not chips to calculate your time and at the finish line you got an index card with a number. Mine was 45. And then I tore it in half and handed in the four, ate the five and then I won!
4.
I continued with my weekly Blow By Blow recap of Hellcats over at Culture Brats although this week judging from the oodles of comments I may have crossed a line when I called them all sluts… the Hellcats that is.
5.
And to make my day I decided to try and find more people on twitter like me…because I am that awesome. I clicked on the’ more like me’ link and it came up with one person.
ONE.
But holy hell the one they came up with. I am flattered, and honored and *snort* I hope she doesn’t get a restraining order on me as I try to smell her hair.

6.
I never knew that there were Stick Pe0ple Fucking fetishists out there but they keep searching for information on it and landing here. Unless they really mean to search for fucking people with a stick which sounds awfully painful and rude. Of course I had to google it and I don’t even know what to say about this.
7.
(click to see it in all its glory or horror)
Another small donkey ass biting spam screen shot. That makes me want to VOMIT. Seriously this is not okay, this is not okay, this is NOT OKAY!
From Worm Farm Guru: i harvest worms through my worm farm, and then i drink their piss.
*blink*
*blink*
*blink*
WHY?
I didn’t say anything about drinking anyone’s piss here. At all!
And this is why it would be wise of you all to lock your doors and turn out the lights and pretend your not home when I come by.










November 4th, 2010 at 11:28 am
You know, after reading this post I’m even more surprised I survived that interview.
Ok it wasn’t the post. It was really the video. Holy God that video.
I’m with you on the Bloggess thing. Only she and some gal @kimt205 are listed. So my question is, why aren’t you listed if we both are hair sniffers of the Bloggess? Also, I really need a haircut and now I’m worried we won’t be Bieber twins anymore and that stresses me out. What if there won’t be any hair left to sniff?
Hair, the Bloggess, Studio30…you have to wonder what else we have in common. Does your head hurt too?
Elly Lou´s last [type] ..Search Optimization-ish
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:30 am
@Elly Lou You make my heart flutter. hee hee *sniffff* Also I too follow @Kim205. Maybe in some strange internet bizarro world you made this all up. *raises one eyebrow and looks at you inquisitively*
November 4th, 2010 at 11:33 am
I have no intention of locking my doors.
Personally, I think you did quite a bit during the week to merit this roundup. Where the hell else can I get information on fucked up cheerleaders, malliable breast techniques, hair that may or may not be reminiscent of Florence Henderson, running 5K’s for prizes and a youtube tribute to stick figure three ways that include bestiality? Here. That’s where.
And don’t you forget it. Unless you can find someplace else that has all those things. Then I’ll shut up.
dufmanno´s last [type] ..We’re Making Plans For Nigel
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:35 am
@Dufmanno See this is why I love you. You would seriously entertain me in your home, when you have children that are impressionable. You make me feel welcome!
November 4th, 2010 at 11:40 am
Holy crap is that spam comment creepy. Is it just me or does it seem like spam gets creepier, and creepier? What’s going on with the Interwebz?
When I used to take a lot of driving trips for work, I had a saying about Indiana. I always felt like I was only a truck stop away from the next serial killer. Now I feel that I am only one click away from the next one.
Tom G.´s last [type] ..The Bone Machine
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:49 am
@Tom G At least he wasn’t talking about putting lotion on his worm and then draping himself in their skins. ACK!
Twitter: alittlebitrock
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
“It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again” — so the hose is actually full of worm piss? Eeek. Now that’s a scary movie.
Andrea´s last [type] ..I Need Some Sleep
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
@Andrea Imagine trying to harvest the worm piss, that Worm Farm Guy must be very patient. And fucked up.
November 4th, 2010 at 11:53 am
I’m intrigued by this ‘worm farm’ idea..except every time I plant them in dirt they just squirm away.
Driving me crazy.
moooooog35´s last [type] ..FuddRuckers Just Burger Blocked Me
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
@Moooooog35 slippery little fuckers aren’t they? I doubt it’s the worms that are making you crazy. It’s their pee.
November 4th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
According to the Interwebz, you’re always looking for new places to plant your worm.
Elly Lou´s last [type] ..Giovanni’s
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Is that what that was?
Twitter: subWOW
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:55 am
That guy was a total fraud. Worms don’t piss. Sheesh. Get your fact straight when you spam man!
I am sad that Twitter did not suggest me as More Like you… I guess that wig did not count. *pout*
subWOW´s last [type] ..WTF Wednesday vs The Silverlining Man
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
@SubWOW But you know what if they had a link for people A Vapid Blonde Adores…you would be right there with bells on! I loved your wig and you in it. And how do you know so much about worms?
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
And I just got a spam comment here about a lounge chair recliner because that makes perfect sense.
November 4th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by avapidblonde, avapidblonde. avapidblonde said: My 'when ever I get to it wrap ups' are kind of long http://www.avapidblonde.com/?p=3410 Behind Closed Doors:Or Maybe You Should Lock Yours. [...]
Twitter: pattypunker
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
i’m so glad you ate the 5. once i had to eat the 9 and it tasted like worm piss.
pattypunker´s last [type] ..it’s good to be queen
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
@Patty Punker so long as you didn’t have to eat the 8 that one tastes like shit.
November 4th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
I’ve never eaten the 5 or 9, but I have been tempted into “Eating the Purple Ghost”?
Tom G.´s last [type] ..The Bone Machine
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
@Tom G The worlds are colliding…WATCH OUT!
Twitter: subWOW
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 2:19 am
This series of convo totally called for the joke: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9
subWOW´s last [type] ..WTF Wednesday- These boots are made for walking
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 8:42 am
@SubWOW I keep trying to think of something to say about 10 but nothing comes to mind, probably because it’s just a one and zero crammed next to each other.
November 4th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Whacka…whacka…whacka… http://www.culturebrats.com/2010/11/pac-man-fever.html
Tom G.´s last [type] ..The Bone Machine
November 5th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Ride the PURPLEGHOST! Freebird! Flicks Bic.
Culture Brats spawned a game changer here!
dufmanno´s last [type] ..We’re Making Plans For Nigel
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 5th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
@Dufmanno I’m swaying back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
November 4th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
I’m afraid to press play…
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
@Ry Sal Oh my god, don’t be…it’s super short!
November 4th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
THE BLOGGESS!? You bitch, I’m jealous. I mean, that’s awesome for you!
Also, I’m wondering when we get to see hair pics.
Also, also Twitter suggested I should follow this person who described themselves as “talented” in their bio so obviously Twitter needs to take a breath and get its shit together because I’m more of a tuck-your-panties-into-the-back-of-you-skirt kind of gal. I would follow ANYONE who described themselves like that.
Not that I’m saying your not like THE BLOGGESS. I guess I’ll have to refer to you in all caps now too.
BuenoBaby´s last [type] ..A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
@Bueno Baby True story, I had a job once that I had to wear skirts and (ew) panty hose and one day I peed a little and then left the bathroom and walked what felt like three miles through a machine shop with LOTS of men with my skirt tucked into my underwear inside the (ew) panty hose. Yup. That is how fucking cool I am. I also think that what twitter meant was “People you wish you could be instead of being like you” Did that make sense, because now I’m confused. Or it may be the wine.
November 4th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
You’re my kind of girl @avapidblonde
BuenoBaby´s last [type] ..A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Awe, you’re making me blush.
Twitter: kernut
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
You and The Bloggess = Awesome! Mine says I’m like you, so does that mean I’m like The Bloggess by extension?
Ok, that spammer is just fucked up in the head.
Kernut the Blond´s last [type] ..Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 4th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
@Kernut You, me and The Bloggess, we can be like a band of mariachi’s only I can’t play any instruments. Except for maybe the spoons. But they left awful spoon shaped bruises all over me one night.
Twitter: kernut
Says:
November 7th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
That you were commenting on my blog while I was commenting on yours is even more proof of our collective awesomeness and similarity. (This will be mentioned in my post for Ten Things Tuesday).
I don’t play any instruments either unless you count blowing the beef flute.
Kernut the Blond´s last [type] ..What Am I Doing Everyone I Can and The Weak Ones Twice
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 7th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
@Kernut The Blond What kind of instrument is a beef flute? *blink* *blink*
November 5th, 2010 at 12:20 am
You run? Willingly?
Amanda@Brilliant Sulk´s last [type] ..Rats
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 5th, 2010 at 9:53 am
@Amanda Run is defined as shuffling a little faster than a zombie shuffle and Willingly, might be the funniest thing I have heard today.
November 5th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I came for the writing, stayed for the stick sex.
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 5th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
@Whit You like all splintery, eh? Hard to peel your eyes away from the stick sex.
November 5th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
What if. WHAT IF.
What if that wasn’t spam?
That thought will haunt my dreams for years.
Noa Gavin´s last [type] ..To Be Fair- She Did Look Better Than I Did
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 5th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@Noa Shhh… I am here, and I am listening. I need you to be clear and focused. I need you to trust me when I say it was spam. I just tried to go to the site and google….FUCKING GOOGLE couldn’t find it, so we can all relax and sleep tight knowing that no worm is going to be so shamefully defiled or de-peed this fine November eve. XOXO
November 6th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
you are precious. ha.
chickensconsigliere´s last [type] ..In Which Chicken Admits to Viewing Altogether Too Many TED Talks
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 7th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
@ChickensConsigliere Do you mean in that Lord of The Rings kind a way? I know right?
November 7th, 2010 at 9:20 am
naaaaa… I will always leave the doors open and the lights on in case you stop by… I may need you to pick up some ice for our drinks…
vanilla north´s last [type] ..developing negatives
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 7th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
@Vanilla North And this is why you are one awesome chicklet!
Twitter: DrCynicism
Says:
November 8th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Welcome to the fetish world of stick people fucking! We hope you enjoy your stay!
Dr. Cynicism´s last [type] ..Tim and Eric Awesome Show- An Endophenotype
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 8th, 2010 at 8:58 am
@Dr. Cynicism Come for the wood and stay for the….Actually just coming for the wood is probably enough said.
Twitter: theladyslounge
Says:
November 9th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Brave woman.
I can’t even get through a commercial for Hellcats without dry heaving and breaking out in to hives.
Jennifer June´s last [type] ..I wanted you until I wanted to be you until…
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 9th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
@Jennifer June Then you need Hellcat therapy, and by therapy I mean you need to go read my re-caps…they are very, very serious. Very serious.
November 9th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
[...] because she doesn’t know about it. Well ok, what Twitter actually said is the awesome and hot A Vapid Blond is similar to The Bloggess, and Twitter says I’m similar to A Vapid Blond. Therefore, by [...]
November 10th, 2010 at 5:50 am
Talk about late to the game…… Anyway! Creepy stick sex, creepy spam. Now I have to go see how Twitter decides I am not like any of the people I love and adore. This is a lot of pressure and stress. It is a good thing I love you so much. Also worth noting, you could write about Flo hair every day of the week and make it fresh! But let’s lay off the worm piss *shudder*
Wicked Shawn´s last [type] ..If You Love Something- Set It Free
Twitter: kernut
Says:
November 10th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Twitter says you and I’m similar to you and Vapid. That’s a good thing (right?). Twitter can’t be wrong!
Oh, and we’re all getting married ala “Sister Wives” style. There’s no man yet, but I think @Tom G would be a good fit.
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 10th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Yes, yes, YESSSS! the four of us and Tom G. Makes 5 the perfect number for something! Wicked, Kernut, Vapid, The Bloggess and Tom. I hope Tom’s wife will be understanding…after all Victor seemed to be fine with the fact the The Bloggess and I were getting married on presidents day. And The Dish is totally sleeping right now, so he’s all good.
November 11th, 2010 at 5:31 am
I think this has infinite possibilities. It is okay if He Who Loves All Things Wicked tags along, right? You can never have too many men around, really.
Wicked Shawn´s last [type] ..If You Love Something- Set It Free
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 8:43 am
@Wicked Shawn Absolutely and today is verterans day so this is as good a day as any for us all to get married and drink. The more the merrier!
November 11th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
OK, this comment thread is making it really hard for me to concentrate on work this morning. All I can think about is eating Purple Ghosts for lunch.
wocka…wocka…wocka…
Tom G.´s last [type] ..’til the end of the day
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
@Tom CHOMP!
November 11th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Great job on the 5K. I learned a long time ago that if I am going to run my ass off, I want real timers and bibs. None of this hand held timer crap. I want it all to be official. If I wanted a hand held timer, I’d run around my yard and have k-ster hold a stop watch. Keep on running if that’s what you like!
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
@Sparkling74 I kind of had that thought too, but it was to benefit Hospice care, so at least there was a reason for it.
November 11th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Next time I go on a date (tonight) I am asking for 3 way sex death.
Or I am going to pretend it is a drink at the bar, and be totally shocked when the tender doesn’t know how to make it.
OR be even more shocked, when they do.
Bridget´s last [type] ..The Cleveland Theater of Operations
Twitter: avapidblonde
Says:
November 11th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
@BRIDGET!!!! You’re a genius. I am so going to invent that cocktail. Your date is going to explode the moment you ask for that…I mean it!