Observing Superstitions: Salt…The Zombie Ghost Cure

Its kind of like observing traditions but with healthy heaping tablespoon or 40 of crazy mixed in.  I am completely at the mercy of my superstitions. Some of them aren’t even based on folklore, no they are just things I have made up in my head and must observe and respect them no matter what or else my life will fall into shambles.

There is the one about how I make the bed every morning. I don’t think anyone (and by anyone I mean my husband or the dogs) realizes I do this but every single morning I make it the same way. My pillows are always my pillows…The Dish has his own two pillows and absolutely never ever ever will these get mixed up.  The pillows need to be facing each other and by facing each other I mean the open end of the pillow cases are all pointed to the center of the bed…like they are looking at each other. Because you know pillows totally have faces. Shut up, they do.  I feel that if I make the bed the same way every day then my marriage will stay strong and will not falter…don’t ask because I have no idea how this came to be and of course realistically I know that our marriage will stay strong because we want it to, but still the pillows can’t hurt. They are just the thoughts that go through my head when making the bed…(OH GREAT, I sound like Dr. Seuss now.)

Another superstition…No Shoes On The Table. Ever.  It is such bad luck if only by the mere fact that if you put shoes on a table I will hurl them at your head yelling NOOOOOOOOO (in slow motion) So right there, you can see how bad it is to have shoes on the table.

And oh the pennies, the bad pennies….do you know how many bad pennies I have swept under things so that I don’t have to pick them up…by the time I die (hopefully) someone could end up being a bad pennillionare.   Ooooh I like that word, I just made it up. So in that sense bad pennies do have one good quality…I totally made a word up because of them.

And LOOK at what a bad penny looks like

bad penny

I couldn’t sweep her under the couch…she wouldn’t fit.

Bitch.

The broom is like a sess pool of bad luck…if a broom drops on the floor you can’t imagine the embarassing routine I go through to erase the bad juju that broom just brought on. 

I hate brooms.

Do you know why you throw salt over your left shoulder with your right hand?  Do you?  I do. It is to scare off the zombie ghost that made you knock over the salt in the first place so it doesn’t go all zombie on your brain.  What? you didn’t know that zombies have ghosts….of course they do and they are way worse than a zombie, I mean come on, the ghost of a brain eating zombie…puleaze, terrifying.  Except that salt totally burns their eyes and they are afraid of it all together.  Salt…the Zombie Ghost cure.

I should have totally named this post  Salt…The Zombie Ghost Cure…  Oh wait, I just renamed it…now with more awesome in the title.

Now I am going to go make sure the totem owl stuffed bird that hoots when you squeeze it in my closet isn’t being smothered by my socks. Seriously. He is a spirit guide and I would feel completely awful if he couldn’t hoot properly.

His name is OWLY…I really am brilliant.